Ineffable

Taking a deep breath, she entered her boss’s office, wondering if her lying by omission would be obvious.

She closed the door behind her, hearing the loud click and panicking, wondering if that was indeed the sound of the door locking behind her. Taking a deep breath, she stood there a moment, exhaled, and walked across the room towards the table where her boss sat.

Looking up from his laptop computer, he motioned to the chair next to him, and she sat down. She could see that he’d been looking at the videos she had left with his secretary.

He turned to look at her over his glasses, and she struggled to remain still and calm, returning his gaze, as he said nothing for what seemed an eternity.

“Tell me how you feel about what you have shown me. Do you find it to be a helpful process, reviewing your activities like this, and knowing that I have seen them as well?”

“Sir, I feel exposed, laid bare. It is a difficult process because I find the videos both humorous and embarrassing. But I think discussing them with you will be helpful and worth the embarrassment.”

He watched her carefully, and again she felt naked before his penetrating stare.

“Embarrassing? Why is that?”

Her voice shook a little and she pressed her hands firmly into her lap to keep him from seeing how they were trembling as she said, “I am not proud of how distracted I can be at times, sir.”

“Please, don’t call me sir, I keep wondering who you are talking to.” He smiled as if his questions were simply an inconvenience between old friends. “Call me Charles. And are you sure that is the only reason why you are embarrassed, as well as why you are so nervous right now?”

“Charles, I’m not sure.” Always her instinct was to be completely honest, but now she saw his demeanor change as he stared at the tabletop as if he would find the answers there. His casual manner caused her to let down her guard for an instant. Too late, she realized she’d have to tell him the whole truth now.

“I know the object of this exercise is to expose my everyday habits so that we can analyze what is detracting from my effectiveness as I work at home, and how I can change to become more productive. But I’ve deliberately…well…in a manner of speaking, hidden behind a fig leaf. I’ve changed a few of my habits because I thought they energized me and helped me work, not the opposite. I…I…it was a gray area, I wasn’t sure if I was being deceitful or not.”

“Claire…your name means what, clear? transparent? You must be with me; no…wait…you can be nothing but, I can read you like an open book. You have no choice, really. And besides, your job is at stake here. I know you care about that.”

He opened his briefcase and took out her file, the videotapes, and his written evaluation. He got up from his chair and walked across the room to remove the last tape from the machine. Sitting down again, he pushed the whole pile towards her.

“Read what I’ve written and continue with the video taping. I want to see everything, hold nothing back, nothing. And remember, I’ll be able to tell just by looking at you if you’ve held back.”

She looked him squarely in the eye. “I have no and had no intention of deceiving you, I simple was unsure of how to define the naked truth. Sometimes omission doesn’t seem like lying, it’s a fine line.”

He looked long at her, as she gathered up the tapes and files, thanked him profusely, and rose to leave. He reached out and touched her arm. She froze, blushing with a mixture of relief and then discomfort at feeling the warmth of his hand on her bare arm.

“Claire, I’m asking for mental nudity here, nothing less.”

As she closed the door behind her, she felt the need to hurry to the ladies room. Blushing, breaking into a run, she didn’t care that everyone turned to watch her. She had never felt so exposed, his intuition was uncanny, it was as if he knew what she had not filmed.

To be continued…